


PART 4 - FALLING APART

by raneetm



Category: The Magic of Ordinary Days (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22238077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raneetm/pseuds/raneetm
Summary: The letter arrives.In these Chapters 13-17, Ray discovers emotions he’d never experienced before and Livy realises she doesn’t want to leave this nowhere land.  Finally we have their First Kiss...and another...
Relationships: Olivia Dunne/Ray Singleton
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 13 – Edward’s Letter**

Ray stared at the closed door and contemplated his next action. 

He knew once he stepped inside that door, he’d find Livy waiting for him. This time, after her willing and warm embrace, he could - without hesitation - take her in his arms and hold her to his heart’s content. He could lose himself in her warm luxurious hair and stare deeply into her mesmerising grey eyes. So she’d understand the quiet yearning in his heart. He could – without fear of rejection - finally caress her beautiful face and kiss her inviting lips, softly and gently. Ray could almost taste the sweetness of their first kiss.

Or he could open that door – hand her the letter - and face the abrupt end of their marriage! 

Ray had returned from the farm the next day, only to find the letter in the mail - addressed to Livy Dunne from Lt. Edward Brown, Naval Air Station, Denver.

He took a deep tensed breath and opened the front door slowly. Livy stood by the dining table, smiling shyly as she lighted the candles for their romantic dinner together. Ray stared at the glow of the candles, refusing to look at her. He felt the flame burning in his stomach…his heart thudding angrily in his chest and the blood pounding loudly in his ears - as he heard the truth in his head. 

_She lied about her letters…and she was living a lie with him! ___

__Ray shifted his eyes to the dog - sitting innocently by the stove - and his emotions exploded! He yelled at the dog to Get Out! His usually gentle voice booming loudly in anger, echoing off the walls. Livy was in shock - her eyes followed his every move intently – as he slammed the front door shut on Franklin._ _

__Ray desperately tried to control venting his anger at Livy. He had never lost his temper with anyone, ever - not with family nor the farm or factory. His usually gentle soul - distraught with his explosive reaction – finally made him look at her. He loved Livy unconditionally and despite his breaking heart…he handed her the letter._ _

__Livy’s confusion with Ray’s surprising outburst, suddenly became clear. She perused the names on the letter and froze in shock!_ _

__“To Livy Dunne,” Ray turned away as if he couldn’t stand to see her reaction to the letter._ _

__Ray waited for her to speak, but no words escaped her lips. After long tense silence, he turned to stare at her accusingly,_ _

__“I’m guessing he didn’t know you’re married!”_ _

__Livy’s look of guilt told Ray all he needed to know._ _

__She’d been writing to her Naval Air Officer - still wanting him - even after their marriage! She’d lied to Ray that the letters she’d posted, were to her sister. He was enraged that she had written to Edward after their marriage and even more furious that she’d chosen not to inform him of their marriage. She seemed to have spent her days thinking of Edward and only feigned her relationship with Ray. This marriage meant nothing to her!_ _

__Ray grabbed his hat and left the house - his last words,_ _

__“Don’t bother waiting up!” as he slammed the front door again._ _

__Livy was still in shock, flinching at his anger directed at the door and cursed herself. She hadn’t thought of Edward since her last letter given to Abby to post. She hadn’t expected a reply and she no longer cared what was written in Edward’s letter. She had hurt Ray and that was more important than the letter. Livy understood the betrayal Ray felt - after accepting Livy as his wife, into his home - his unconditional kindness, gentle caring and willingness to do anything to make her happy in their marriage._ _

__Putting away the dinner in a daze, she took the letter to her room and placed it on her desk. Livy stared out the window, not wanting to read the letter! She recalled her peaceful life on his farm - healing from her painful past and every word, every action, every thought and sensation she’d shared with Ray. She asked herself the question that would decide her future,_ _

__If Edward wanted her and the baby…could she leave Ray?_ _

__As the time ticked past, Livy slept off on the desk. When the truck door slammed - she startled awake - it was past midnight! Watching Ray through the window, she could sense his anger in the way he moved. She heard the front door shut firmly - but quietly not to wake her! - sensed him come up the stairs and stop outside her door. Then his door shut softly._ _

__She already knew the answer in her heart as she stared at Edward’s letter. She didn’t want to leave Ray, but would he accept her now, after this betrayal?_ _

__Livy opened the letter and read with disinterest. Shaking her head in disgust, she immediately removed the chain and locket of Edward that had hung on her neck like a shackle – the punishment for her grievous past mistake. Only when she laid down in bed, did she give in to her torrent of tears._ _


	2. Ray’s First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally Ray and Livy's first kiss...but under dire circumstances!

**Chapter 14 – Ray’s First Kiss**

The alarm rang at 5am the next morning and Livy rushed down to catch Ray before he left for the farm. She prepared his breakfast, hoping to talk to him…but he ignored her, walking directly to the front door.

“Ray, please…I have something to tell you,” she pleaded. Ray stopped, the crack in her voice halting his anger.

But instead of talking about Edward’s letter, she spoke about her first day in Ray’s home. Livy confessed that she had gone in to his bunkroom when he was out and checked through his personal things in the dresser.

“I can’t even explain why I did it…I’m sorry,” she said meaningfully - referring more to her letters - than the dresser.

He stared at her - the strain of controlling his emotions, written all over his face. 

“You can look into that dresser anytime you like, I have nothing to hide from you.” 

Livy understood what he meant…and she took out Edward’s letter from her pocket and offered it to Ray. She didn’t want to hide this from him. Livy wanted Ray to know he was more important to her, than Edward’s letter. 

Ray stared at the letter and his heart broke - what was Livy trying to do to him? Did she think he could read Edward’s letter without ripping it into pieces? He couldn’t stand to think of Edward and he definitely didn’t want to read his letter. Ray didn’t want to waste any of his time or emotions on him. That’s why he never asked Livy about her past. As his disgust for Edward rose, he turned away before he said or did anything he’d regret later.

“Ray please, I made a mistake,” Livy pleaded with tears in her eyes.

“Which mistake would that be? Being with him or marrying me?” Ray’s disgust reflected in every word he spat out. 

Livy shook at his words, hot tears rolling down her cheeks. HE HATES ME, her mind screamed.

“Would it be easier if I left?” she asked, her heart breaking.

Ray inhaled in shock, experiencing the most gut wrenching moment of his life. Did Livy want to leave? 

Had Edward asked Livy to come back to him? Did he want his baby? Was this the moment for Livy to make her choice – to stay with Ray or return to Edward? Why would Livy go back to a man who’d abandoned her? Why couldn’t she see the man right before her eyes? Emotions Ray never knew existed pummelled into his soul. He hated Edward with the heat of a thousand flames and his heart burned, consumed with jealousy! 

No, he didn’t want Livy to leave. He wanted Livy to stay - to choose him over Edward! Ray needed her to understand the love in his heart, before she made her decision.

Ray stared at her with such intensity, that Livy was afraid to see the wrath in his eyes. Instead she watched his body advance towards her, and her breathing slowed as he stepped intimately closer. He waited until she looked up into his eyes - to see the hurt and agony he felt! Holding her face tenderly with both hands, he wiped her tears with his thumbs. Ray needed Livy to know - his anger, his jealousy – were rooted from his love for her.

Finally his gaze dropped to her lips, stained with tears and he sighed regretfully. Ray had wanted to tenderly kiss her so many times in the past - to express his love gently, to heal her heart. But now his heart was in agony and when he kissed her lips - it was awkward and laced with anger! He pulled back slightly, annoyed with himself - but couldn’t let go - so he captured her lips again! This time she responded, kissing him back softly. Ray felt the moistness of her supple yielding lips and instinctively locked his lips over hers, tasting her sweetness. He shifted his head gently to savour the fullness of her mouth, slowly conveying his yearning for her. The thrill of their first kiss engulfed them both. Despite her tears, Livy gave in to the blissful sensation of his divine lips whilst Ray drowned deeper into his love. 

Suddenly he released her lips - his breath gasped, as if in shock! As if he had to let go or he’d be lost forever! Ray looked down fluttering his eyes, breathing heavily for minutes in silence – then his voice came out in a raspy whisper, 

“Is there anything you like about me, Livy?”

Livy stared at his retreating back - choking on her tears - wishing desperately she could find her voice for his answer. 

Once the front door slammed shut, Livy dazedly walked to the fireplace. Ray didn’t want to read Edward’s letter. Whatever the contents of the letter, Ray wanted Livy to make up her mind and not live this lie with him. She’d hurt him terribly and her unbearable guilt devoured her soul, breaking her heart into a million pieces. Livy reached for her pocket, taking out Edward’s letter together with the locket…and threw them into the fire! She stoically watched the letter and metal burn – her mind gliding away, lost in the sensation of Ray’s first kiss. 

Ray got into his truck, shaking with raw emotions he’d never experienced in his lifetime. 

His mind raced as fast as he drove - but everything was a blur - with tears threatening to spill over. His head throbbed with jealousy and betrayal from her lies. His soul battered by her deception and distrust in their marriage. How could she write to Edward whilst married to him? How could she share her innermost thoughts and feelings with another man, whilst in Ray’s home? Hadn’t their wonderful companionship and sanctity of marriage meant anything to her? He recalled her rejections – the devastating reality suffocating him – Livy had spurned him because she still loved Edward! 

The anger, jealousy and agony of his broken heart, crushed him. Ray had loved Livy with so much tenderness, wanting to be gentle with her heart. He’d been patient, understanding of her fears and wanting only to heal her sorrow. But right then, his soul was gripped with furious passion for her. Ray wanted all of Livy – her mind, her beauty, her truth and her love! 

And he wanted her baby! Possessiveness over Livy’s unborn child consumed Ray. His love for her baby entangled, beyond his comprehension, with his love for Livy. Ray experienced the sweetness of fatherhood in his heart, envisioning the baby in his arms together with Livy’s loving embrace. His love encompassed both mother and child, his soul yearning to be the loving provider and protector of his family. 

Tears trickled down Ray’s face as he parked the truck and placed his throbbing head on the steering wheel. He couldn’t take it if Livy left - he couldn’t lose his family! Ray broke down, for the first time in his adult life. He’d numbed his heart when he lost his parents…and again when he lost Daniel. Back then Ray had refused to succumb to the trauma of his family – he had to be the man his father raised him to be! But now Ray unleashed his deeply suppressed pain in his heart - for his beloved parent’s death…for his guilt allowing Daniel to join the Navy…for Daniel’s death at Pearl Harbour…and for his 5 years of loneliness. 

His vault of misery smashed, Ray wept unabashed - he’d never be able to survive, if he lost Livy and the baby.


	3. Home for Her Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Parts 2 & 3 despite her growing love, Livy remained uncertain of her future with Ray, primarily due to the isolation of his farm. 
> 
> In this Chapter, she is given the opportunity to leave...to choose between her city life and his home.

**Chapter 15 – Home for Her Heart**

Although living under the same roof, Livy hadn’t seen Ray for 5 days since that first kiss. 

He’d leave for the farm earlier in the mornings and return only after midnight. Initially, Livy could understand Ray’s reaction due to his quiet nature. In the past months she’d realised he was an intelligent man who deliberated his problems in silence - preferring action over the expense of words. Perhaps it was the 5 years of loneliness that made him suppress his need for conversations in times of anxiety or distress. So it did not surprise her that Ray preferred silence and refused to face her to discuss their situation.

But as the days turned into nights, Livy began fretting that her betrayal was beyond forgiveness for Ray’s gentle soul. It dawned on her slowly that perhaps he couldn’t stand her sight! Her mind convinced her that Ray’s abrupt reaction to kissing her, was borne of disgust from her betrayal of his trust and the vows of their marriage.

So Livy withdrew back to the sanctuary of her room, avoiding him for those 5 days - wondering if her presence was truly, no longer welcomed by Ray.

That thought gripped her heart, when she saw the beet box outside, later that week. At first, she’d hoped Ray hadn’t left for the farm yet - maybe he was now willing to talk to her. But having checked the house and the barn, Livy realised he’d left the beet box for her - as he had done previously for Livy to drive around into town or to visit her Japanese friends at the internment camp.

Livy contemplated her next action – should she leave?

Perhaps Ray wanted her to leave quietly for the train station to Denver and he’d pick up the truck at the station later. But the excruciating agony of leaving Ray without a word…of leaving his peaceful home she’d come to love, without final appreciation to Ray - stopped her! Livy couldn’t imagine Ray with his gentle and soulful nature - would expect her to leave whilst their bond as husband and wife still remained unbroken.

Livy sat in the beet box for a long while. She could go into town – that’s probably what Ray in his silent, sweet way - wanted for Livy to get her mind off their miserable situation.

Instead, Livy drove to Martha’s home. With a heavy heart filled with guilt and remorse, Livy related what she had done. In tears, she told Martha the reply from Edward, disclaiming responsibility for the baby. But knowing she had betrayed and hurt Ray, Livy’s decision was to leave - to be with her sister Abby and deliver the baby in Denver.

Martha offered her kind words of comfort, but sadly concluded,

“When Ray loves someone, it’s with his whole heart…so if you’re planning on leaving, do it soon.”

Martha’s words reeled on her mind as Livy drove around the acres and acres of land, aimlessly. Her eyes wandered out onto the farm, hoping to catch just a glimpse of Ray. Finally she arrived at the crossroads that could take her to La Junta. She stopped and recalled how Ray had patiently taught her to drive the beet box on that same road. Livy had wanted to learn to drive the truck - to get away from him…from the confines of their marriage. She’d wanted the freedom to leave this nowhere land, to return to her life in Denver.

But now - Livy sighed regretfully - she only wanted to be in one place!

Livy drove back home, walked up the stairs and slowly opened the door…to Ray’s bunkroom.

She could sense his presence in the room. His clothes, warmth and the masculine earthy scent of nature, plant and produce - that she missed desperately! Livy heard the ticking of his father’s watch by his bunk bed and sat down to admire the historical watch. In the bedside table drawers, she found the Bible and the Register of Family Marriages, Births and Deaths.

Livy reached for the Register and turned the page wherein Ray had written their names with the date of their marriage. She had never considered the significance of taking on Ray’s family name. Not until Ray had intelligently guessed…just by her maiden name on the envelope that she had not disclosed her marriage to Edward.

“Mrs. Livy Singleton,” she whispered softly, savouring the words…enveloping her with his warmth.

Livy sighed in misery, wishing she could have met and married Ray under different circumstances.

She recalled Mrs. Pratt and Mrs. Parker asking _“How’d you meet?”_ at the first church potluck she’d attended. Ray had quickly saved her the embarrassment, and replied _“In Denver”._

Livy wondered how she could have met this shy, reserved and soft spoken farmer.

Would she have been too enthralled by the city folks’ obsession with soldiers and officers…and missed this wonderful, gentle man? Or would God have truly led him to her anyway - just as Ray’s faith in God’s will had led her to him?

Livy smiled sadly - her instincts telling her - she would have noticed Ray even in a crowd. Tall and lean, his hard defined face and silent inner strength contrasted with his shy smile, gentle ways and soulful nature – that would have distinguished him from all others.

Livy’s vision blurred again with tears and she took out the Bible, placing it on her heart as she laid down on Ray’s bed.

She breathed in his warmth and masculine scent on his pillow. She loved Ray with her whole heart. Livy didn’t want to leave him, she didn’t want to go back to Denver! She realised her feelings for Ray were beyond anything she’d felt for Edward. She hardly knew Edward over one week and when he hadn’t replied her early letters, she had felt the loss and guilt, only because of the baby. But without Ray, she felt her heart being physically ripped out. Livy couldn’t bear his silence and anger. And she couldn’t bear losing him…Livy needed Ray and couldn’t live her life without him! But if she stayed, Ray would think she remained with him only because Edward didn’t want her and the baby.

Livy cried her heart out for her predicament - holding on tightly to Ray’s Bible for strength, as she dozed off to sleep.

Suddenly she was awakened by Franklin’s excited bark. It was already dark and she heard Ray open and shut the front door. Livy quickly scrambled out of his bed and returned the Bible and Register into the drawer. As she rushed to her room door, she caught sight of him walking up the stairs slowly, his face downcast. Livy’s eyes widened in shock, her breath caught in her throat with the frantic beating of her heart.

Livy was stunned to finally see Ray after 5 days - he looked strikingly handsome!

Ray’s stubbles had grown out and the dark beard clung to his hard jawline and gaunt cheeks – his features now softened. He looked distinctively suave…and sexy.

Rays eyes finally looked up when he reached the landing and he was just as stunned, to find Livy standing by her doorway. His hazel eyes glistened brilliantly, emphasised by the darkness of his thick lashes and full beard. His perfectly shaped lips, highlighted - even more alluring and irresistibly tempting! Livy clenched her hands and bit her lips, to control the sudden heat in her veins.

Ray stared at Livy, taking in her stunned look. He slowly fluttered his eyes, looking down and walked directly to his room. Inside he leaned heavily on the door, as it closed shut.

Livy heard the door slam shut, like thunder ripping her heart and the tears spilled out again.


	4. Livy’s Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Another kiss!**

**Chapter 16 – Livy’s Nightmare**

>   
>  Livy stood in the middle of the vast fields, looking everywhere for Ray.
> 
> Lost and alone, she stared into the horizon, as the sun set. Her eyes glazed over the beauty of the orange streaks across the sky, slowly altering into deep shades of red and purple. Her heart constricted realising she’d never be able to appreciate the sunset again, without thinking of Ray.
> 
> Then she saw him - in the distance - standing alone, dejected. Reaching out, she ran towards him…. _Ray, Ray_ …but her voice choked in her throat! She could barely breathe as she tried calling out his name again ….not a sound escaped her lips. Her mind kept reeling… _you don’t deserve him, you betrayed his trust… ___
> 
> War planes were overhead, dropping bombs on his farm. Ray tilted his head up towards the sky but he remained motionless. _No, Ray please, I need you, I love you_ ….she screamed but her voice cracked, soundless. Then Livy looked down and she was bathed in blood, the pain in her abdomen ripping her apart. She screamed in pain and her mother appeared, soothing her. 
> 
> __
> 
> ____“Momma, momma,” she sobbed. Livy’s mother was holding her baby, smiling and Livy’s heart burst with love for her baby._ _ _ _
> 
> __
> 
> ____But suddenly someone’s hands were around her, dragging her back by her abdomen as more blood spread out. She didn’t need to turn around to see who it was - as the smell of alcohol on his breath - made her fight back in disgust._ _ _ _
> 
> __
> 
> ____“Momma, momma…” she screamed out again, trying to escape him- her hands reaching out for her baby._ •___
> 
> __

__  
_  
_

Ray waited outside Livy’s room and opened the unlocked door slowly. He had heard Livy crying and calling out, in her sleep. He hesitated going into her bedroom, and pulled his robe tighter as he called out to waken her.

____“Livy, Livy,” he saw her stir awake “it’s alright,” he said soothingly._ _ _ _

____Livy woke up in a dishevelled state, staring at Ray. Relieved to see him safe…she closed her eyes and asked,_ _ _ _

____“What happened?”_ _ _ _

____“You were calling out for your momma,” Ray switched on the table lamp at her bedside. He nervously sat on her bed, unsure of himself so close to her._ _ _ _

____“When momma died…I was so lonely,” she spoke incoherently._ _ _ _

____“I gave my life away…just to be held…by a stranger,” she sobbed again, needing his forgiveness._ _ _ _

____Ray could feel his jealousy rising and his head began throbbing again. He massaged his temples as he shook off the images of that “stranger” – an officer of Naval Air station no less - penetrating his mind!_ _ _ _

____“How could I do that?” Livy continued, disgusted with herself._ _ _ _

____Ray looked away – he couldn’t take seeing Livy in such desperate pain but he was unable to say anything to ease her pain. He didn’t want to talk about her past. Standing up, he switched off the lights and turned to leave._ _ _ _

____“Ray,” she called out, her voice cracking, reaching out for him._ _ _ _

____She caught his fingers and Ray stopped, turning around. He took a slow deep breath and sat down again on her bed. He was tired of the agony of the past 5 days. Tired of pushing away the love of his life. This time he reached out to wipe her tears, with compassion in his eyes. The moment he touched Livy’s face, she leaned forward and held him – needing to feel him…wanting him to hold her - to feel safe again with him._ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry…,” she sobbed, full of anguish with the misery of missing him._ _ _ _

____Ray held her tousled hair, careful not to touch her body or her pregnancy. Only Livy’s head rested on his shoulder and his face - in her hair. Words caught in his throat, he couldn’t speak because of his fears. He was afraid he would never be able to let go. He feared once he touched her, he would lose all control!_ _ _ _

Livy held onto Ray as tightly as she could, in that awkward position. He had leaned forward but their bodies were not touching. She knew he was holding back and could only imagine the worst! He hated her and could not stand to touch her! He could not forgive her betrayal and only felt sympathy for her tears. _But her heart fought back, then why did he kiss me that morning…._

____Livy inched closer, turning her head slowly towards his jawline. She felt the heat in her veins again, his strikingly handsome face enticing her! She hesitantly nuzzled her cheek in his luscious beard. Her hands cautiously touching the other side, gently caressing the hair on his face. Livy felt his warmth seep into her and sighed contentedly against him. She then shyly pressed her lips onto his cheek and waited for his reaction. She sensed Ray stiffen and his breath unsteady. His head imperceptibly turned towards her face, his beard braising her soft sensitised skin. He tentatively touched his lips to her jawline and Livy’s heart exploded in her chest. Her lips moved closer to the corner of his mouth, her senses absorbing the sensation of his abrasive beard against the supple edge of his divine lips._ _ _ _

____Ray only needed to turn a fraction of his head and his lips would capture hers. His hand drifted into her wild hair, stroking the curls and slowly encouraging her face closer. When their lips met, a soft gasp escaped Livy as if she had finally been released from her torture. She’d missed Ray desperately! Livy moved her lips slowly, lingeringly over his - to feel every sensation with Ray - to ensure this was not a dream! Ray matched her rhythm, sensuously tasting her lips, bringing alive his dreams of Livy. Their lips stirred dreamily on each other, savouring the softness and sipping on the moistness like wine in their mouths. Both dazed and drunk in love, slowly quenching their thirst for each other.  
____

___Livy’s hands gently raked through his soft brown hair down to the sensitive skin on Ray’s neck. She needed the warmth of his skin, her hands starving for the touch of his hard muscles. Her hands moved lower, slipping into his robe. As their kiss deepened, Livy unconsciously pushed his robe open - gripping his shoulders. Ray’s eyes snapped open suddenly, he was about to lose control! His mind raced…_ _ _

_Was this for the right reasons…did Livy truly want to be his wife? Flashbacks of her rejections, her uncertainties penetrated his dazed mind. Or was she just emotionally vulnerable, because of her nightmare? She had given herself to a stranger for all the wrong reasons. He didn’t want her to regret this…he didn’t want her to succumb to him and consider this another mistake, in the light of day._

__  


Ray stilled himself and slowly pulled away. Holding her face, he sighed and kissed her forehead gently - so she’d understand he needed to do this for both their sanity. 

____Livy desperately stifled her cry of embarrassment. But when Ray kissed her forehead - her voice cracked._ _ _ _

____“Ray, you’re such a good…,” she gulped for air “…thank you, thank you,” she cried quietly._ _ _ _

____Ray pursed his lips, nodded silently and walked back to his room._ _ _ _

____Livy strangled back her sobs and stared blankly into the darkness, non-stop stream of tears flowing down her face._ _ _ _

____She’d have to leave, Ray didn’t want her._ _ _ _

____He still couldn’t forgive her and he’d rejected her kiss…twice! How could she face him now? Livy felt she didn’t deserve to stay in Ray’s home…didn’t deserve his kindness when she had been blatantly untruthful to him. She’d mocked their vows of marriage by writing to another man, hoping for Edward to right her wrongs. She had continued to betray Ray’s faith in their marriage by treating this as a temporary arrangement and drowning only in her uncertainties of this nowhere land._ _ _ _

____Finally Livy got up from bed, her eyes sore and her heart numb._ _ _ _

____She took out her suitcases and began packing away her clothes and personal items._ _ _ _

____As she numbly packed, she recalled how she’d slowly fallen for Ray. She stared at the pink dress she’d worn for Martha’s birthday, her mind gliding away to her wonderful dance with Ray. When he’d spun her close to his body, she’d sensed her heart awakening. Then her exhilaration at the Troy dinner, she couldn’t control her attraction building up for him. She smiled through her tears, recalling her spurt of jealousy and flirting with him at the Library. But when Abby offered her the chance to flee this nowhere land, that’s when she knew Ray meant more to her than her freedom. After that, it was a constant battle between her deeply rooting love for Ray and the reality of her grievous life’s mistakes._ _ _ _

____Livy sighed, as she looked out the window into the darkness of her future. Her mind urged her into the darkness, for the cold air to numb her senses, to dry her tears. She walked slowly to her doorway and was surprised to find Ray’s door open. She nervously peeked into his room, he was asleep on the bunk bed. She watched him tenderly at the doorway - as she heard his heavy breathing - wanting to softly stroke his hair and caress his cheeks._ _ _ _

____Livy wondered why he’d left his door open. Then she realised...he’d always had his life open to her. Ray had been willing to accept her as his wife, sight unseen, unconditionally. He’d patiently grew their relationship - gentle with her and the baby - without any hesitation…without any questions about her past._ _ _ _

____Livy's soul wrenched in pain - it was her uncertainties, her conflicted feelings...and her door...that had shut Ray out. Now it was too late!_ _ _ _


	5. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray's thoughts on Thanksgiving Day...and the ring!

**Chapter 17 – Thanksgiving**

Ray drifted off to sleep with the taste of Livy's kiss on his lips - finally sleeping well after a week of misery.

And through the night, her words infiltrated his sleep. 

_“…just to be held…by a stranger…”_

Livy had revealed Edward as no more than “a stranger”!

Although it had pained him to see Livy distraught but he felt somewhat relieved! Ray had expected the worst when he heard her moaning in tears last night. Before he'd approached her door, his mind had tortured him with thoughts of Livy crying over Edward! His heart had cringed with trepidation that her anguished tears belonged to Edward, her lost love - now returning in her dreams…and his damned reality...to snatch Livy and the baby from him!

However when Ray awoke the next morning, it seemed like the dawn of a new reality! Livy had not been crying over her lost love and her heartfelt apology warmed Ray's battered soul like the rays of the rising sun. And she'd kissed him! It wasn't just another of his dreams! Livy had initiated that kiss - gently, willingly! The sweetest kiss, with a hint of passion! Ray smiled for the first time that week - recalling his abrupt question to Livy after their first kiss. _Perhaps there was something she liked about him!_

But in the bathroom, as Ray stared at his reflection - Livy’s shocked reaction to his full dark beard, crept to mind. She’d stared at him…as if he was a stranger! Misconstruing her reaction as displeasure, Ray immediately shaved off his beard. He felt renewed again, relieved by the sight of his clean face! And he was ready to face Livy, with hope in his heart. 

Back in his bunkroom, Ray reached for the Bible in his bedside table. He had not sought prayer during his week of misery! With this new dawn, the hope in his heart also craved for strength. To face their future, to forgive and forget the past! As he leafed through its pages, Livy’s sweet scent pricked his senses. He laid down on his bed and buried his face in the pillow, recognising her scent again…just as he had, drifting off to sleep last night! A sense of calmness permeated his soul and after a while Ray dozed off again, his unconscious mind wavering between the words of prayer and the improbability of Livy having slept in his bed. 

Later that morning, Ray awoke again to the fantastic aroma of pie baking in his home - this festive warmth he hadn't relished since his mother had passed on. He quickly changed and found Livy in the dining room, prepared with her gift of pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving lunch at Martha’s. But Livy was exceptionally nervous, her eyes strained and downcast. She refused to look at him, unwilling to speak. The hope in his heart dimmed and Ray respectfully kept his distance. In the beet box, she’d also refrained from saying a word driving over to Martha’s, staring blankly into the horizon.

So as Martha’s family began Thanksgiving luncheon, Ray was taken by absolute surprise to hear Livy speak, after such a long silence. 

On the brink of tears, Livy spoke softly.

“I have learned more about love in the 6 months with this family than I have the 25 years in my father’s house. I have received love here…” she paused, swallowing her sob.

Turning her downcast eyes towards Ray, her voice cracked

“…and I have received forbearance…and I thank you.”

Ray’s soul healed a little more at Livy’s heartfelt appreciation to him and Martha’s family. But his heart constricted with her next words. 

“I’ll always remember you…everyone,” Livy had continued, choking back her tears. 

Martha stared sadly at Livy and shifted her eyes to Ray, attempting to read the situation between her younger brother and Livy. Both of them looked miserable. They appeared so in love, but clearly still lost in their own misery. After lunch, Martha held Livy compassionately and said,

“Livy, you look tired. Please go up for a nap.” 

Martha then turned to Ray, as he watched Livy wearily walk up the stairs.

“Livy came to speak to me last week.” 

Ray was surprised yet again!

“Ray, is Livy leaving? She sounded upset at lunch…as if this was her final farewell,” Martha’s voice cracked.

Ray pursed his lips, and lowered his eyes to conceal his worst fears from his beloved sister. 

“I’m not sure…” Ray sighed heavily. 

“Ray, I know this is a matter between husband and wife. But as a woman, I know she’s hurting.”

Martha stared at Ray’s strained face and desolate eyes.

“And I know you’re hurting too. Have you told her how you feel?”

“Martha, the baby’s father is a Naval Air officer. What can I offer to make her stay?”

“Ray Singleton,” Martha paused with firmness in her voice, “why should Livy stay... if you don’t tell her exactly how you feel…about her and the baby?” 

Ray remained silent staring at the floor - his jealousy yet to subside, his fears still persisting.

Martha’s heart melted for her younger brother - understanding the torment of uncertainty in love! She disappeared leaving him to his thoughts and came back after a while, asking gently,

“Ray – do you love Livy?”

“I do,” Ray replied without hesitation.

Martha smiled, then slipped a small velvet box into his large hands.

“This is mama’s wedding ring.” 

That evening as they drove back in silence, Ray’s mind escaped to their wedding day 7 months ago. He’d been so nervous and petrified of marrying a pregnant stranger that he’d forgotten to purchase a ring for his future wife. He had not given a thought to the most significant symbol of marriage! Nor to Livy’s feelings on their wedding day! It suddenly struck Ray that Livy had been in a more terrified state of mind – surely Livy could never have imagined her wedding day to have been like that!! No family by her side...alone...fearing her stranger husband....no love in her heart...no happiness of a bride - instead only the burden of a baby! 

Once home, Ray remained outside in the cold, watching Livy carry her burden slowly up the stairs.

His heart welled up with tenderness for Livy, realising how much she’d suffered in the past. Giving up her education to care for her ailing mother proved the depth of Livy’s love for family. Ray could understand Livy’s devastation on her mother’s death - just as he had suffered after his parent’s death. Her loss and loneliness had caused her to trust a stranger – hoping his love could replace her anguish. 

But her mistrust had resulted in even more anguish! Ray recalled Livy’s words after her nightmare,

 _“I gave my life away…How could I do that?”_ she’d cried, tortured by guilt and shame. 

Livy could not move beyond her grievous misjudgement. She had made a life changing mistake with a stranger and she’d needed to undo that mistake, for the sake of the baby. Now Ray understood Livy’s state of mind that drove her to write those letters to the baby’s father. She’d been forced to enter this marriage with Ray, but her sense of shame could only be extinguished by the baby’s father. Ray recalled Livy posting a letter every time they’d gone into town in the early days of their marriage. When they were both still strangers! But as their relationship grew - as she began trusting Ray, as their marriage bonds developed - Livy had stopped posting any letters when in town. And that morning, she had also offered Ray to read Edward’s letter. Livy had trusted Ray...to understand her life's mistakes. 

Ray’s anger and agony slowly dissipated with the quiet snowfall, as he realised Livy’s anguish was worsened by her family’s abandonment. Banished to a remote land, she was made to endure her shame and sorrow of her baby alone! No wonder Livy had viewed their marriage as a punishment for her indiscretion, for bringing shame and disrepute to her family. With that frame of mind, she would have also perceived her unborn baby as a dishonour to Ray and his family. Livy had not meant to betray their marriage…she clearly had not expected for Ray - a stranger, still unknown and untrusted - to take on her burden, her mistakes! 

Ray took out his mama’s ring and stared at it – weighing his worth as a man. He loved Livy unconditionally, with his whole heart. There was no shame in loving her baby and to Ray, family would never be a burden. And the past...the mistrust and agony, could all be forgiven. The only question remained, whether Livy could see her future with Ray on his isolated farm? 

This lingered on Ray’s mind as he walked up to his bunkroom. He was surprised to find Livy’s door open, although she was fast asleep inside. He smiled tenderly, his love overflowing for Livy. He couldn’t let her go, he needed her and the baby, in his life.

Ray’s eyes drifted into the room, and in the dim light slowly noted the bare room. It no longer had her personal things - everything had been packed away into her suitcases. 

Livy’s bags were packed, ready to leave.


End file.
